Public transit is hilarious.

Today I took the bus out to see my father so we could go to an arts festival (we both had to work on father's day). I'm on the bus going through town and these two guys get on the bus right behind me. They sound like 13-year-olds trying to be gangsta, and because one guy's voice kept breaking, that's what I assumed they were. Which made this conversation really interesting. I will try to paraphrase it in the most generic possible way.

Guy 1: talking about his ex who's now in jail, and who has his Xbox 360, which technically she bought for him. Also she owes him over $1k, and has his blue skateboard and a few other random things. A drill or something.

Guy 2: you still have her keys man?

Guy 1: making plans to check and see if the Xbox works and if it does to just put it in a bag and take it. Take a bag from ex, as he doesn't have any on him. Leave a note saying "I hope your house doesn't get broken into while you're in jail." Pretend that a neighbor stole the Xbox, as apparently everybody around her knows that she has one.

Guy 2: Dude nice plan!

[Too bad you're yelling it for the entire bus to hear. A girl gets off the bus. She has to walk past them to exit.]

Guy 1: man it was so hard not to just smack her ass as she walked by. Effort of will, man. So hard not to. Man. I just want to smack some asses. I was at this party this one time and just smacking girls' asses left and right and finally this one girl said "hey let me introduce you to my boyfriend" and her boyfriend says "hey man is there a problem?" and I say "hey man just smacking your woman's ass" and he says "good call man, I do that all the time" and asses and asses for like five or six minutes seriously.

Guy 2: hey man invite me once in a while.

And on and on. Guy 2's voice kept cracking and he was wearing the most hilarious green-and-yellow-tie-dye bucket hat, so I assumed they were pretty young... but when they got off the bus, I glanced up and they were about 28 years old. Both of them.

As soon as they were gone I cracked up.

Later, I was walking the 25 minutes from the bus stop to my father's house and this guy who looked oddly like my old neighbor. We walked on opposite sides of 4- to 5-lane traffic, paced pretty evenly, for several minutes and about a block and a half. Then he started walking on the curb, then in the bike lane, looking both ways for oncoming cars. Then he sprints madly for my side of the road and ends up about four feet behind me.

Hello, super sketch man. How are you? If you touch me I'll bash your face in with my stainless-steel water bottle. :)

He caught up and walked next to me (a few feet away -- potentially to negate any intimidation he might be exuding with his incredible manliness -- he was a nerdy computer guy, CS major apparently). He asked if he could walk with me. We talked about stuff. He asked where I was going and I told him that I was walking another 5 miles or so (more like five minutes, but whatever) and all kinds of things that aren't true.

I learned that I enjoy lying to strangers. "So, where do you live?" Uh, hi, sketch stranger, why should I tell you that? "Total lie."

Kids say the darndest things

Today, I flew from Oregon to Colorado to visit my mother. (We're on spring break.) Next to me on the plane was a little boy, maybe six or seven years old. He had quite a few good quotes:

Mother: Will you stop doing that? You have to pay to watch movies.
Son: You can't control me!
Mother: You're mine until you're eighteen. When did you think you'd have free reign? (Jokingly.)
Son: When I'm eight I'll be all grown up! I'm gonna move out and get a job and you can't tell me what to do anymore and [my brother] will stop taking my soldiers! (Deadly serious; "soldiers" was talking about those ubiquitous little plastic soldiers, supposedly beloved by young boys everywhere. His mother had packed some for the flight.)

Directed at me: Hey lady? Hey, lady. (I looked over. He kept saying it.) Hey lady. Hey, lady, hey. Lady, hey. Hey lady. Hey lady! Hey lady! Hey lady!
Me: Yes?
Boy: You look old! You have a book! Books are for old people. Old people read books. Are you old? Do you have a tv? Is it in color? Television is in color these days, you know. ...You've heard of tv, right? (Suspicious look.)

(I'll be 21 this summer.)

But hey, I guess the flight could have been worse. Typical travel: the flight attendants thought they were funny, the kid behind me kicked my seat most of the way and fiddled with the tray for the rest of it, and a baby two rows back started crying and wouldn't stop for 45 minutes. My suitcase chafed my hand and, of course, my period started. But you know what they say -- all's fair in love and planes?